by Steve MacDonald
The Obama Administration has requested another appropriation be tied to a bill currently under development in the Senate that would establish another new department within the White House which would report directly to Rahm Emanuel. The White House Chief of Staff’s Office, in response to our inquiry about the parent bill, responded, “does that really matter?”
The program looks to optimize educational opportunities for another under-recognized minority, and will, in the words of one Obama administration official, provide a freedom of opportunity that was ignored by previous administrations at great peril. “It’s just another example of how disconnected the Bush administration was to the needs of Middle Class Americans. Their obsession with enriching their wealthy supporters with tax cuts has undercut the foundations upon which this country was built, and left the current administration with yet another mess to clean up”
While the exact details are unclear the funding seeks to establish the Federal Office of Doggie Day Care, (FODDC) from which a host of consultants and specialists will direct government approved training and education for human kinds best friend. There are outlines for the projected government takeover of existing facilities, rules for mandatory attendance, and a preliminary assessment on the need for post-secondary facilities and additional rules and funding for programs to enroll under-represented breeds at these new institutions.
The preliminary budget for the program is estimated at $56 billion dollars but that is expected to rise. The exact distribution of those funds was either not yet determined or unavailable. A photocopy of the existing request obtained by NH Insider was found sketched out on a cocktail napkin attached to page 12,496 of legislation crafted by Harry Reid’s office with the working title “Getting Rid of the Opposition For the Good of America Act.” It denoted distributions for aerial marketing assessments, viable alternative research grants into the sea ‘space’ money’ global research initiative for climate change, and roughly $55.6 billion of the funding appears earmarked for ACORN. The phone number on the napkin was answered by an unemployed middle aged house wife from Hoboken. While she had plenty to say, the only potentially relevant comment had something to with Joe Biden’s teeth.
But we were able to obtain relevant comments from one administration official who claimed to be familiar with the initiative. “Given the connection between pet owners and their pets, the government has an obligation to make sure that they receive the kind of structured environment that will not just run tangentially to but also advance our national interests and our goal for a better America.” When asked if this was a suitable role for government, the official who asked not to be named simply said that while they were working out some potential constitutional entanglements with active RFID and GPS locators inserted into the collars supplied to the ‘students,’ when you get right down to it, “what isn’t a suitable role for government?”
The NEA is on board, and has announced its support for the legislation, stating that there is ample opportunity to develop guidelines for qualified staff, all of whom should benefit from the same kind of employment protections afforded other educators. A spokesman, who asked to remain anonymous because they were not yet authorized to comment, said “The union is very excited about the opportunity to move into this new labor market.” They already have a deployment plan in development to assist new state and federal employees tasked with this “unique and awesome responsibility.” “Helping man’s best friend adapt to the new political landscape is an awesome responsibility and should be shepherded by qualified professionals with the kind of underlying structural support that only the NEA can provide.”
The likelihood of consideration for such a program gained some serious support after we accidentally received an email from Rep Murtha’s office entitled “John Murtha Doggie Day Care Facilities Deployment Strategy.” The contents included details for the funding and construction of some two dozen facilities in Rep Murtha’s district, many of them with estimated costs running into the hundreds of millions, along with an extensive list of government and military contractors who were expected to “bid” on the projects.
Additional details in the Murtha email included tentative program “credits” for pre-qualified pet owners outlined as the “John Murtha Friends and Family Plan,” preferred employment and enrollment opportunities entitled the “John Murtha Advancement Scholarship Program,” along with a separate non-specific line item entitled “other opportunities.” Rep Murtha’s office did not respond to our request for specific comment, but instead directed us to the plans supplemental funding which Rep Murtha “believes is attached” to an unrelated resolution in the house to “Recognize and Establish Beauty School Dropouts Day.”
The sponsor of that resolution, Carol Shea-Porter, a friend, and supporter of Rep Murtha—whose campaign has received significant cash contributions from Murtha’s PAC in the past–was unavailable for comment but one of her staffers interrupted a phone call to 911 long enough to direct us to a recent press release on the need to halt funding for George Bush’s irresponsible surge strategy in Iraq.
While we have currently exhausted the available resources in our investigation into the FODDC project, we will continue to seek out and report new details as they become available.
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Steve MacDonald is co-host of NH Taxpayer Radio heard every Thursday evening from 6:05 – 8:00 PM on 90.7 FM Manchester and on the web at http:/wlmw.mainstream.net:8000/listen.pls
He also adeptly runs the board, the bumper music, and takes the call-ins.